Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood

I found this while browsing some old bookmarks I had. The original un-edited link is HERE. I may be repeating myself as I think I may have posted this before.


Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood

· Don't worry, your dad didn't know what he was doing, either.

· No, no--not that Spock!

· Second thought, maybe you should worry.

· Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.

· Baby gas is lessened with a good nipple connection during feeding, which decreases air intake. Assuring that his lower lip is flipped out, not pursed, helps.

· There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, which helps ease the pain of teething. Nonetheless, it probably ought to stop by kindergarten.

· Diaper-rash remedy: Expose baby's hydraulics to the air until dry. Soak baby's bottom in tepid water with a half cup baking soda. Then, Balmex. Or Lotrimin. Rediaper.

· You know how they say you'll get used to diapers? You won't. Unless you wear them a lot.

· Forcing children to use toilets will make them dislike toilets. Children begin using toilets when they tire of that not-so-fresh feeling. Of course, this is long, way long, after you tire of it.

· The start of crawling: usually begins between six months and twelve months. Standing: usually between nine and twelve months. Walking: between twelve and fifteen months. The onset of the above, as with all developmental skills, is hugely variable among individual children.

· Avoid walkers, not only because they can be dangerous around stairs but because they don't require a child to balance and thus retard his walking progress.

· Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.

· Reason girls are better: They're less likely to get arrested.

· The threat of an unknown punishment is always more effective than a stated one.