How to Use Chopsticks

I cannot figure out how to use chopsticks. The food flies everywhere and I really can’t master how to hold them and squeeze them. So we cheated and went to the local Paderno store and bought cheater sticks which have a spring loaded mechanism at the end of them. With this, you just need to squeeze them together.

From China Adoptive Parents News

Here are two ways to learn how to use chopsticks, one demonstrated by video, the other written instructions.

How-to Video Demonstration: (with voice commentary by teacher)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DJrz8HYaOfA

Step-by-Step Instructions: (not related to the video)

1. Place one chopstick in the crook of your thumb and index finger. The chopstick should be at the base of your thumb, and your thumb should be about 1/3rd the way down from the broad end of the chopstick.

2. Rest the chopstick on your ring finger between 1/2 and 2/3rds the way down the chopstick. The first chopstick should now be very stable, with one end securely between your thumb and index finger, and the other end resting on your ring finger.

3. Place the second chopstick in your hand the way you would hold a pen. It should rest slightly on the tip of your thumb, and be held into place with support from your middle finger.

4. Use your index and middle fingers to practice moving the tip of the top chopstick up and down. The bottom chopstick should remain relatively still. As you move the top one down, the tip should meet up with the tip of the bottom one, like a pair of tweezers, or the long beak of a bird.

5. Imagine you are pinching something. If the tips aren't meeting up, adjust one chopstick so they do, because it will be very difficult to pick anything up if the tips of the chopsticks aren't evenly aligned.

A technique every dog should know how to do.

THE FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS FOR EVERY DOG TO KNOW

Instructions for properly hugging a baby.

1. First, spy a baby.

2. Second, be sure that the object you spied is indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder or the wonderful aroma of a dirty diaper this is indeed a baby. 3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process. Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw slide" easier.

4. The "paw slide"
Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up. 5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to achieve the best photo quality. Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry, climate-controlled environment for the rest of your life.

I need to learn these things

A picture DOES say a thousand words.

Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood

I found this while browsing some old bookmarks I had. The original un-edited link is HERE. I may be repeating myself as I think I may have posted this before.


Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood

· Don't worry, your dad didn't know what he was doing, either.

· No, no--not that Spock!

· Second thought, maybe you should worry.

· Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.

· Baby gas is lessened with a good nipple connection during feeding, which decreases air intake. Assuring that his lower lip is flipped out, not pursed, helps.

· There is nothing wrong with thumb-sucking, which helps ease the pain of teething. Nonetheless, it probably ought to stop by kindergarten.

· Diaper-rash remedy: Expose baby's hydraulics to the air until dry. Soak baby's bottom in tepid water with a half cup baking soda. Then, Balmex. Or Lotrimin. Rediaper.

· You know how they say you'll get used to diapers? You won't. Unless you wear them a lot.

· Forcing children to use toilets will make them dislike toilets. Children begin using toilets when they tire of that not-so-fresh feeling. Of course, this is long, way long, after you tire of it.

· The start of crawling: usually begins between six months and twelve months. Standing: usually between nine and twelve months. Walking: between twelve and fifteen months. The onset of the above, as with all developmental skills, is hugely variable among individual children.

· Avoid walkers, not only because they can be dangerous around stairs but because they don't require a child to balance and thus retard his walking progress.

· Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.

· Reason girls are better: They're less likely to get arrested.

· The threat of an unknown punishment is always more effective than a stated one.

Life with kids!

I found this while surfing the net the other day. Ahhh, the joys of parenthood. Click on it for a larger image.

Notorious D-A-D

Here's a video for you to get a chuckle from.

dog versus cat

OK, this has NOTHING to do with adopting, but it made me laugh enough to want to share it. I think we’re all dog or cat lovers so most of us can relate.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00am Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am Walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favourite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He has obviously been brain-washed! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now.

Plan ahead