Do's and Don'ts on attachment

Here is another post of DO's and DON'Ts on attachment. This comes fromanother adoption website I was browsing. There seems to be some good points in this article.

Do
1. Trust the parent's instincts. Even a first time parent may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.
2. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the parents to see and understand.
3. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
4. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby's world. One grandparent, when greeting their grandchild, immediately turns him back to his mom and dad and says positive statements about his good mommy and daddy.
5. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Person X, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, to hold a baby who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder.
6. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
7. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!

Don't
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. Underestimate a new parent's instincts that something isn't right.
3. Judge the parent's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the parent feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the parent of being overly sensitive or neurotic. They are in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies and daddies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new parent not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that his mommy & daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of "putting on a good face" in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.